— Bumper sticker of the week: U.S.Out Now. How?
— Quote of the week: “Adictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there’s no question aboutit.” George W. Bush
— You know the Republicans are inbad shape when all the 2008 Presidential contenders are arguing over who is themost conservative. Let the right-wing pandering begin. I personally think theyall qualify.
— A clear majority of Americans areliving paycheck to paycheck, which is becoming more and more difficult. Thefood pantry industry is the fastest growing enterprise in America, thanks toBush and his jolly band of misfits.
— The Knox County sex craze: Neverlet it be said that Galesburg is not a giving community. We’re swopping STDs,that’s sexually transmitted diseases, faster than Wal-Mart is buying Chinesegoods. Passing on STDs requires that you have sex. In the most reliablenational survey, the latest data being from 2003, 43 percent of high schoolgirls, and 48.5 percent of the boys, which roughly means 45 percent of all highschool students, are reporting that they have been sexually active, making themat risk for STDs. Knox County is particularly troubled with chlamydia andgonorrhea, two pesky infections that are ranked number one and number two amongthe STDs. While generally not fatal, they are testy little irritations thatrequire antibiotic treatment. One of the morals of the story: Always ask yoursexual partner for a list of medications they are taking. If antibiotics areamong them, just say no. And always require the male to use a condom. You neverknow where that little bugger has been. Don’t pay any attention to thedo-gooders who suggest that the use of condoms promotes premarital sex and isimmoral. They’re flat out wrong. The condom is your best friend to guardagainst STDs, and unwanted pregnancy. The abstinence based lunacy beingpreached by right-wing Christians is also wrong. Almost 50 percent have alreadysaid yes. Abstinence based programs should not be receiving federal funds. Theyare obviously “faith” based. All the faith you have ain’t going to stop thatlittle sperm from swimming upstream to meet its destiny. A condom will.
— Two of a kind: Dan Quayle andGeorge W. Bush.
• “The best things about rain forests isthey never suffer from drought.”
• “A low voter turnout is an indicationof fewer people going to the polls.”
• “It isn’t pollution that’s harming theenvironment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
• “The vast majority of our imports comefrom outside the country.”
• “If we don’t succeed, we run the riskof failure.”
• “Rarely is the question asked: Is ourchildren learning?”
• “We are ready for any unforeseen eventthat may or may not occur.”
The fact that these two bozos have speechimpediments leads me to believe that they may have been Siamese twins, attachedat the lips.
— War is terrorism. I thought wewere against that?
— Make love, not war. Hell, doboth. Get married.
— Export jobs-import workers: Noteven Alan Greenspan believes that will work.