Leave It To Peever

­­ Bumper sticker of the week: Mall Wart: Your Source of Cheap Plastic Crap.

­­ Quote of the week: ''As I grow older, more and more of the economic and political details keep pushing in, and I wonder what became of that early inner quietness that allowed me to move out of my own center.'' -- Joseph Campbell

­­ Illinois is tops in at least one category. We produce more pumpkins than any other state. It's good to know we rank first in something. And pumpkins on top of it.

­­ One in two marriages continue to end in divorce. This is good for marriage counselors, of which I am one, and attorneys, but not so good for ministers, who marry them in the name of God, for better or worse, richer or poorer. I guess nobody takes that stuff very serious. Anyway, here are some of the leading causes of divorce:

-- The grass always seems greener in somebody else's pasture. This is particularly true for men after they hit the age of 45 or so. Horny doesn't begin to explain it. They think a younger woman will help them stay young. It generally ends up killing them.--

The other party decides they are gay. You wouldn't think this would happen very often, but it does. I think it has something to do with repressed anger, perhaps revenge.--

Couples grow apart. One decides they like to travel, the other is a homebody. One likes sex, the other animals. One likes to spend money, the other makes it. Opposites attract, but most often end up divorcing.--

Here is some cheap advice: Don't get married until you are at least 25. And never, ever marry your sister or brother. It screws up the whole in-law thing.

­­ l sure ate a lot of turkey and pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving. I ate a whole pumpkin pie, minus one small piece I gave to my daughter. While it was not one of the best things in the world I could have done for myself, it certainly was one of the more satisfying.

­­ The American public, wrapped up in the flag and whipped up into a patriotic frenzy is one of the more dangerous things I have ever witnessed, although I did once see a dog tear into a badger. The dog meant well, but he lost. So did I, since I owned him. The vet bill was enormous. I swore the next day I saw the badger laughing.

­­ Billy Graham's son, Franklin, expounds on the virtues of Christianity, at the expense of Islam, which he calls wicked and evil. Here is a guy who probably knows next to nothing about Islam, but is willing to swear up and down that it's no good and evil. I don't mind people who think Christianity is wonderful and that everyone should accept Christ, but do yourselves and Christ a favor, don't badmouth other religions. In the long run, my guess is God will look much more favorably upon you. As the old saying goes, God is too big for any one religion.

­­ War. What is it good for:--

It helps the economy. Those bombs and airplanes are expensive.--

It helps rally people around the flag. This in turn helps the flag makers get rich, which in turn helps the economy.--

It helps gun sales go up, people being nervous about foreigners and all. Increased gun sales produce more funerals, again helping the economy.--

It helps the popularity of a President and makes the Congress look like they're doing something, which of course they're not. A popular war-mongering President helps the economy. Nothing ever helps Congress.--

War definitely helps hold down the population.--

War produces a lot of refuges, who in turn need food, which helps farmers, which in turn helps the economy.--

War. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.

­­ Current Peever boycotts:--

Wal-Mart: Too big, too rich, lousy pay, too much plastic.--

McDonald's: Five by-passes later, I'm campaigning against junk food. So should you.--

Philip Morris: Wants us to think that cigarettes are no longer their major product.--

Nike: Shoes made by child slave labor.--

Lone Star Steakhouse: The CEO is an arrogant idiot.--

Coors Beer: The Coors family have supported right-wing organizations for years.--

Salvation Army: Too big, and they sell things I give them.--

The Boy Scouts: Homophobics. They're destroying the good memories I have of the Scouts of yesteryear.--

WGIL: Rush Limbaugh and Dr. Laura pollute the airwaves. Such crap probably causes cancer. Its definitely been shown to cause deafness.--

Right-wing Christian Soldiers: They think Harry Potter is a communist plot to subvert their children into little pecker-heads. Harry is too late for most of them.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online November 27, 2001

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