Stay what course?


— Bumper sticker of the week: Sorry for driving so close in front of you.

— Quotes of the week: ÒWow, Brazil is big.Ó George W.

ÒYou work three jobs. Uniquely American, isnÕt it? I mean, that is fantastic that youÕre doing that.Ó George W., speaking to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska.

— I was recently diagnosed as having hypergraphia, the irresistible urge to write. ArenÕt you lucky?

— BushÕs Iraq strategy: WeÕre going to kick your ass till I say otherwise.

— BushÕs immigration strategy: Send us your tired and your poor. WeÕll work them to death. That will end up helping both of us.

— We must be safer: During BushÕs re-election campaign, there were seven orange alerts. Since than, there have been none. Which of the following might best explain this:

1. Due to the President attacking Iraq, the terrorists are afraid of us.

2. The terrorists cannot outthink Bush.

3. We are safer due to the establishment of the Department of Homeland Security and that brilliant terrorist alert plan.

4. The alerts were part of ÒThe Fear FactorÓ used to re-elect George W., masterminded by Karl Rove.

— Catholic Church turns homophobic: The new Pope seems to be unusually nervous about gay priests. He probably has showerophobia. Living in the Vatican around so many priests can do that to a person who is worried about such stuff. He continues to confuse homosexuality with pedophilia. a rather clever and easily conjured up deception. I wonder if he feels the same about gay parishioners putting that tainted gay money into the offering plate?

— Congressman from California crying like a baby: One would hope Congressman Cunningham was crying because he had done something wrong. But IÕm guessing he was crying because he got caught. It wasnÕt but two months earlier that he was singing his innocence about taking bribes for government contracts. I guess he just recently remembered.

— Iraq having another election: Gee, they must now have a ton of democracy over there in Iraq. TheyÕre having an election every other week. Bush must not be getting the results he wants. Anyway, the President this week asked us to stay the course. My question is — What course?

— Secret Prisons: TheyÕre everywhere.

— HereÕs a shopping center: IÕm thinking of building a shopping center in Galesburg. Of course, so is every other Tom, Dick, and Harry. But IÕm going to have a slight little edge on them. Here are some of the prospects IÕm talking to:

1. Frederick's of Hollywood.

2.  Hooters

3.  VictoriaÕs Secret

4.  Big AlÕs

5.   DickÕs Sporting Goods (DonÕt bother telling me how cleaver I am.)

Sure, I can hear youÕre footsteps running down to city hall already. ÒThis guy is nothing but a sleazybag, All he wants to do is exploit females.Ó Well, let me assure you, I will personally keep a close eye on everything. Some things more than others.