Gold up, economy down

– Bumper sticker of the week: Politics – I’ll hug your elephant. You kiss my ass.

– Quote of the week: "In this election, the churches did everything they could to impose their will on the general populace. And when people weren’t getting the message in church, they were fed it intravenously by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox TV and by talk radio. This diet of misinformation was not good for the brain." The Progressive

– ‘Tis the season: Thank God I got my shopping done early. Having to deal with holiday shopping nauseates me. It’s not that I don’t like Christmas. I think I’m beginning to not like humans.

– Speaking of shopping: It’s much easier to shop over the internet. While it’s good for Galesburg to shop locally, it’s bad for my billfold. Over the internet I save sales tax, gas money, my sanity, and I can compare prices from dozens of sources. And usually the shipping is free. The only downside to this is I still don’t know how to operate a computer. I lose everything I save, having to have it fixed every six months.

– Some Christmas gift suggestions:

• For people who exercise a lot, how about some deodorant. The animal scents are big this year. Possum, armadillo, and groundhog are hot.

• How about a TV that plays only reality shows? This would be for those on your list who don’t want to think and have nothing better to do with their life but waste it.

• You can still pirate songs for free. A 15 song CD can be as low as 50 cents. (Not counting the $60 to clear out the viruses on your computer).

• For that right-winger on your list, how about a mental exam.

• There’s always a book. How about "Things you can do alone on Christmas Eve."

• For you war lovers, how about Sesame Street’s "Torture Me, Bert?"

• I’m hoping Laura asks Santa for a brain for her husband.

• Another book idea, "George Foreman’s Baby Name Book."

• How about the film, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Beaver?"

– I hate buying cars: I bought a new car recently. Or rather, a newer car. It’s a beauty. Does everything but wipe your butt. Whenever I buy a car, I figure in the deal that I’m getting screwed. I imagine I’ve been screwed to the tune of $250,000 or so over the years. This includes the interest I have paid, which is a whole other screwing. With all that screwing going on, you’d think I would have had a little fun.

– The older you get, the more you talk about sex. This is particularly true of us guys. Some speculate that the reason for this is because that’s all you can do now – talk about it. But I don’t buy that. I think it’s Alzheimer’s. You can remember what you did 25 years ago, but there’s nothing to remember lately.

– Some predictions for another four years of Bush:

• We’ll do everything imaginable to get out of the UN.

• If we attack another country (probably not if, but when), hello draft.

• Social Security will get cut.

• The deficit will continue to grow.

• Goodbye, jobs. Hello, bread-lines

• The environment is had. It will take thousands of years for the Earth to recover from what is about to happen.

• There will be continued tax breaks for the rich.

• Right-wing Christians are going to get canonized. Or appointed to the administration.

• The Supreme Court is going to gain two or three more autocracy-fascist prone jurists.

• By 2008, we’ll be deep in a depression. I already am.