Bumper sticker of the week: Pull over. You need to change the air in your head.

– Quote of the week: "Donald Rumsfeld held a question and answer session with soldiers on their way to Iraq and one soldier asked why a lot of their vehicles still don’t have the proper armor and Rumsfeld said, ‘You go to war with the army you have, not the armor you wish you had.’ And then he got into his armored limo and drove away." Jay Leno

– Target bounces Army: The Salvation Army gets dumped by Target. No more pan-handling in front of their stores. "If we let them do it, we have to let everyone else do it." A bold move. After all, this is America’s sweetheart army. Actually, the Salvation Army has helped a lot of people. They have just outgrown their uniforms. They are now the richest, non-profit organization in the world, who continue to sell items to the poor that we give them. This homophobic, Bush supporting, so-called charity could use a little whittling down.

– Galesburg On The Go: The featured speaker at a recent Galesburg On The Go gathering was the Alexis Fire Equipment Co. I’m sure that makes sense to someone. Maybe it was a learning session.

– Galesburg business index: Here’s a good one.

Civilian labor force: 29,293

Number employed: 27,448

Unemployment rate: 6.3%

I haven’t stopped laughing yet, and I read this over a week ago. If the Knox County unemployment rate is not 20+%, I’ll eat the black hat I’m wearing. There ain’t anyone in their right mind, or their left mind, that would believe such nonsense. This is a continuation of the bull we are constantly fed. These guys will do anything to keep their jobs and try to make Republicanism look respectable.

– Bush gets physical: They say he’s fit for duty. I say send him to Iraq, although I’m betting his doctor was not a psychiatrist.

– Merry right-wing Christian Soldier Christmas: The selective use of Christianity by the Church of right-wing Christian Soldiers is spreading faster than the flu this holiday season. For these Christian Soldiers, the Ten Commandments have been whittled down to two: No abortions, and don’t engage in gay sex. These new Christian extremists apply their newfound Christianity selectively here at home and hardly at all overseas. Christ has been cut out of the equation and replaced by George W. Bush, who continues to lead this group further and further away from Jesus. I’m not sure whether to put up a Nativity scene this holiday season or a flag?

– How to survive the winter:

Get involved in winter activities. I tried skiing, but I like being able to walk better.

• Keep more lights on. This tricks your brain into thinking there is more daylight than there actually is. Tricking your brain is not all that hard. The government has been doing it for years.

• Go to somewhere warmer. Maybe Mexico, like Maytag did. Or how about Oquawka, like a lot of ex-Henry Hill prisoners do.

• Read more books. I recently picked up the mega-best seller, "The DaVinci Code." Pretty good, although I doubt the Catholic Church likes it. It depicts their darker side. The Scalia and Thomas side.

• I’d watch more TV, but it’s too painful.

My Christmas list:

I need to upgrade my memory.

• I’d like someone to help me understand this weird dream I keep having about Madonna.

• How about an elf bowling game?

• I would like a doll that looks like President Bush. With the pins.

• I could use some underwear. Mine are all cruddy.

• I could use a new Bible. I think George Carlin just published a revised addition.

• I’d ask for world peace, but what’s the use.

Merry Christmas. Remember, the Christ we worship was non-violent, tolerant of others, and demonstrated a total lack of respect for the status quo.