LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

 

2008

 

– Bumper sticker of the week: If I pass out before midnight, you can still feel free to kiss me.

– Quotes of the week: "A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. Unknown

    "Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right." Oprah Winfrey

    "New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive." Jay Leno

– Everybody's changing and I still feel the same: New Year's resolutions. Winter is the time to think, to turn inward. Slow down. Take in a deep breath. What can I do different? How can I make a difference? Who exactly is it I want to see in that mirror? Maybe this is the time? Maybe this is the year? 2008.

The start of the new millennium has been anything but comforting. It would be hard to put into words how disappointed I have been with the government, the war, Bush being appointed President, the economic despair we are headed for. I'll do anything I can to change our course. There is no alternative. This resolution calls for a revolution. A revolutionary force for good. This one should be on everyone's list.

This year I'm going to start calling myself a writer. I've never thought of myself as a writer, mainly cause I'm not very good at it. But, twelve years into writing The Peeves, ten for The Flubs, the new Baby Boomer Babble, one moderately successful blog site, and one book later, I suppose it's time to peeve you off by calling myself a writer. Just don't look for any major improvements. My adverbs, adjectives, and advice, are all pretty shaky.

A New Year happening I'm not going to be able to get around is turning 60. Having almost died eight years ago, I, unlike many of my fellow Boomers, love birthdays. In particular, my sixtieth. My next goal is 62, so I can start collecting social security. Every year is a bonus. Age 65, Medicare. I'm assuming my fellow right-wing Boomers will pass on these horrible socialist programs. That would help keep them viable until I celebrate, say, at least my 85th birthday. Thanks guys. I'm glad you hate socialism.

On a more practical note, I'm going to join a band this year. Of course, I can't sing a note or play any instrument, outside of maybe a tambourine. For hire: Mr. Tambourine Man.

Exercise. Eat healthier. These always show up on my list. I have mixed emotions about both. I don't get anything out of exercise but tired, and just about everything healthy to eat is not worth the effort. My destiny seems to include sitting on my butt and eating fried chicken.

Speaking of destiny. Where do you go looking for your destiny? In books, gurus, down the road to the temple? Most of us look everywhere but right in front of us. A careful enough turning inward, and you'll find your destiny, right there, waiting for you to discover it, in your heart.

– Someone asked me the other day if I was ready to meet God. I answered, if I'm expected to be dead, that's a big no. If He happens to be going down to Crappy's later on for some beer and pizza, no problem. I don't think that was the answer she was looking for. So much for evangelism.

– Speaking of taxes: Real estate taxes are again going up. In a town struggling to keep its head above water, there's no way our real estate can be getting more valuable. Another con job, brought to you by government workers and their high salaries, great benefits, and excellent retirement plans. They constantly need more money to keep all those perks. But enough is just about enough. Take a look at the recent assessment you received. File a protest by calling 342-1106 by January 11, 2008. File a protest so they have to schedule you for a hearing. If nothing else, ask them how your tax bill can keep going up in a city that is struggling to stay alive? Ask them how they established the value of your home? Tell them you think you're getting cheated. Tell them you are getting tired giving all your money to the city, county, state, and federal government, to support their high salaries, great benefits, and excellent retirement plans. Make a difference in 2008. Get off your butt and start paying attention. The money you save may be your own.

Happy New Year. Remember, don't drink and expect to think. It won't work.