New YearÕs resolutions



— Bumper sticker of the week: Intelligent design — The evolution of ignorance.

— Quote of the week: ÒWe need to recognize that people around the world are abused and enslaved by our system. All empires are built on some form of slavery.Ó John Perkins

— Buying tragedy: Per household cost for the war in Iraq so far, including reconstruction — $1517.

— The headlines: ÒSurvey: Unwanted births up, but reason is unclear.Ó I could have saved them a lot of money.

— Arctic Refuge under fire — again: The oil boys are really eager to get at that new source of profit sitting under the Arctic Refuge. They pretty much will do anything to get their grubby little hands on it. Now they have connected the bill allowing them to drill to a defense appropriation, figuring no one will have the balls to tamper with it. I hope that they are wrong, although the current crop of Democrats are not known for their balls. Allowing oil drilling in one of the worldÕs last pristine areas would be a world disaster. And a potential fatal disaster to the indigenous people who live there. If they are willing to do anything to get their greedy mitts on this oil, we should be ready to do anything to stop them. It seems only fair and right that we should do so.

— Speaking of fair: Our heating bill arrived, just in time for Christmas. It is $100 higher than any bill we have ever had. We could end this rip-off if everyone failed to pay their bill. They would fold in a second. If not, we would fail to pay it for a second month. They would selectively pick some of us to turn off. We would selectively run power to their homes from ours, or get generators. They would fold within two months. The publicity would be too much, much less the fact that a community stood up united against them. Then I awoke from my dream, went downstairs, and paid my $375 bill.

— IÕm betting, before itÕs all over, weÕll see Bush crying on TV next to his dog. This is an old Republican trick.

— IÕm tired: I get tired of writing about Bush and his White House cronies and his right-wing Christian soldiers. I wish I didnÕt have to spend so much time on such trivialities. People ask me to concentrate more on funny things, happier things. I wish I could, but I canÕt. I feel desperation breathing down my neck. I feel if I stop doing what IÕm doing, despair will overtake me, and I will fall into this deep, dark, chasm. It eats me up and spits me out as a right-wing, Republican Christian. I have this robotic look that requires me to obey anything my Commander-in-Chief asks of me. This dream I interpret as hell. This New Year, IÕm resolved to keep up the anarchy, not because I want to, or that I think it is clever or cute, but because I have to.

— New Year resolutions:

¥ Expect more on Bush and right-wing, Republican Christians. (See above.)

¥ IÕm turning 58 this year. IÕm still looking for the person I would like to become. Maybe this year.

¥ IÕm going to talk less and listen more.

¥ IÕm going to read the ten best novels ever written, according to whom, IÕm not quite sure, but

IÕll figure that out.

¥ More music, less TV.

¥ IÕm going to take some golf lessons. A good thing for me, a bad thing for the instructor.

¥ IÕm going to eat more salads and less fried chicken.

¥ I may run for Governor. Everyone else is.

¥ IÕm going to work a little more. (I donÕt consider this one of my brighter resolutions.)

¥ IÕm going to start my second book. IÕm leaning towards entitling it: ÒWe Need to Recover -From Just About Everything.Ó

¥ IÕd like to sleep-in every now and then, but this will require getting rid of the dogs.

¥ And finally, for the year 2006, IÕm resolving to do everything humanly possible to make Washington, D.C. disappear from the face of the Earth. I may hire David Copperfield. HeÕs pretty good, although IÕm not sure if heÕs up to making so many slime-balls disappear at once.