In My Opinion Caroline Porter

Rednecks universal, not just down South

The dictionary describes a “redneck” as a white member of the Southern rural laboring class. “Sometime used disparagingly.” Comedian Jeff Foxworthy has also given us thousands of hilarious descriptions, labeled famously – “you might be a redneck if----“ For the second year, our family has a calendar that keeps us entertained daily with Foxworthy’s definitions of “redneck.”

But rednecks aren’t very funny and they are certainly not just down South. I consider being a redneck a state of mind that crosses all economic, social and political party lines. For example, I’ve e made up my own list of “You might be a redneck if-----.”

You might be a redneck if ----you don’t like Hillary Clinton because she is a woman.

You might be a redneck if----you don’t like Barack Obama because he is dark-skinned.

You might be a redneck if---you don’t like Barack Obama because of his name.

You might be a redneck if--- as a county board member, you don’t want to hire a county administrator because you know he/she will be smarter than you.

You might be a redneck if ---you don’t like well-educated people.

You might be a redneck if ---- you think being negative and critical of everything makes you look smart.

You might be a redneck if----you think the war in Iraq is patriotic.

You might be a redneck if ---you like President Bush.

You might be a redneck if---you say you believe in God, but never go to church.

You might be a redneck if----you don’t respect other religions but claim to be a Christian.

And for comparison, here are some originals, straight from Foxworthy’s calendar:

You might be a redneck if --- the local police go on alert during your Super Bowl party.

You might be a redneck if--- your maid of honor is the groom’s ex-wife.

You might be a redneck if --- you carry ziplock bags in your purse for leftovers.

You might be a redneck if—your savings account is the ashtray in your truck.

You might be a redneck if--- your duck call turns your wife on.

You might be a redneck if ----any of your fantasies involve Wal-Mart.

Yep, folks, redneck country is right here in Knox County.

Caroline Porter is a freelance writer from Galesburg who can be reached at caroline.porter@insightbb.com.