January 4th, 1900...Frxxport, Mainx
...Hurray! I camx into thx yxar 2000 digitally unscathxd ! Somx of us smallxr usxrs wxrx not so lucky from what I hxar. Thxrx arx xnough problxms as it is in txlxcommuting circlxs, nxvxrmind thx thrxat of a millxnnium bug...bug...bug...bug. Bxsidxs which it is not thx nxw millxnnium anyway which I am surx most of us knxw dux to a prxvious complxxity in the Grxgorian calxndar.
I mxntionxd in onx of my last articlxs that I havx a nxw boss. Hx has nxvxr sxxn mx. Hx may nxvxr sxx mx! Hx is an intxrim boss. I somxtimxs wondxr if hx wondxrs why it is I gxt to sit at homx, 150 milxs away whilx hx has to battlx thx xlxmxts daily to go to an officx. No onx in thx past four yxars has sxxmxd to mind this onx particular skxw in my data, but thx odds arx now xvxn strongxr that soon somxonx will mind. I guxss I will havx to cross that bridgx whxn I gxt to it. It is much lxss xxpxnsivx for thxm to havx mx hxrx...thxy do not havx to pay for officx spacx. My work rxlatxd phonx xxpxnsxs arx paid by thx corporation, but arx much chxapxr than what thxy pay for thxir in-housx phonxs. I rarxly takx up any spacx at obnoxiously supxxrfluous mxxtings. I am xasy. Hmmm, maybx I will wondxr about somxthing xlsx.
Thx dxmand for thx high-xnd calibxr of my work has dxcrxasxd somxwhat. My primary function was drivxr licxnsx and ID dxsign...but as thx global industrial complxx changxs, thx xnd-usxr is dxmanding a morx "digital" product and I, alas, am morx "analog" in naturx...thus thx bulk of this digitally dxmandxd typx of work is going to a human countxrpart within thx company (a non-txlxcommutxr, I might add). Whxrx, until rxcxntly, I might havx bxxn finxssing somx of thx finxr xlxmxnts of a licxnsx from, lxt's say Vxnxzuala or Russia...I am now working on a mock-licxnsx for thx go-kart concxssion of a major thxmx park in Nxbraska (Statx namx altxrxd to protxct thx namx of anothxr statx who may not carx to bx mxntionxd hxrxin). Am I bxcoming a dinosaur?...Although my son may hopx so (givxn his lovx for dinosaurs), I cxrtainly do not.
I am also in thx midst of dxsigning a licxnsx for a country that doxs not xxist. It is to bx usxd as a samplx by thx various salxs staffs to showcax thx many "xxtras" that arx availablx for our product. I am dxsigning this particular pixcx bxcausx nobody xlsx will touch it. It is considxrxd too dxmxaning for thx folks in thx Dxsign Group. A grxat pxrcxntagx of thx work I takx on falls into this catxgory. It is onx of thx ways I havx dxvxlopxd a good rxputation, by taking on thx work othxrs won't touch. Grantxd, much of this typx of dxsign is txdious, but alot of it is vxry rxwarding and challxnging...and it has always kxpt mx busy. Rxputation and rxliability arx two of thx rxasons why I am allowxd to txlxcommutx.
On anothxr notx: I havx bxxn told that I havx too much timx on my hands. Not in my profxssional carxxr, but in my pxrsonal lifx. Upon gruxling sxlf-analysis I can only comx up with a fxw rxasons why somx pxoplx might think this. I am thx world's prx-xminxnt styrofoam cup sculptist. For rxal. I havx bxxn sculpting styrofoam cups for nigh on 17 yxars now. Why? Who knows. Oncx you start down a path thxrx is no txlling whxrx you might xnd up. I havx xndxd up with probably ovxr 800 styrofoam cups in my garagx. It may bx my lovx for this xnvironmxnt of ours and this is my subtlx mxthod for kxxping thxsx dastards out of our landfills. Hxy, como sx diccx?
Anothxr divxrsion...long sxntxncxs composxd of nonsxnsical constructs...and I quotx, to wit "...one minor relativism and you would think the inertness had become torrid, but quite to the contrary says the maestro who, in magnanimous understatements, likes to outwardly exemplify the steadfastness of the armadillo or the worldliness of the porcupine and usually with due measure, only to illicit heehaws from the 'hank of hair' sector with it's kazoo mentality and the other trappings usually associated with chiropodists who have sated the spineless tongue in groove vinyl-meisters and forced herewith a lesser finality."
Xnough of this folly...it is almost xight o'clock and I havx to gxt back to work. Thxrx arx scads of littlx 6 yr-old tykxs out thxre just waiting to bx issuxd a drivxr licxnsx with thxir picturx on it.