...the new technology pioneers

I'm not super shy about the fact that I use my disposable razors for beau coup days at a time. I write about them often. The last one I used lasted for five hundred and forty seven shaves in a row to be exact. I commenced its use on March 4th of 2003 and put it to rest on Labor Day of this year. Well, I didn't exactly put it to rest... The story goes on.

What I did do with it was to give it a few days off on the shelf in the cabinet over the sink in the bathroom. I wanted to give it chance to decompress and unstress itself after the many arduous rigors it had endured fighting my face forest all those many harsh mornings -tension heightened even further by the fact I don't even use shaving cream. Oft times I use only tap aqua, there not being much of difference between the deux. I think I was taught subliminally by ads on the telly that these plastic handled necessities had to be cycled a lot sooner than they actually had to be. In my particular case, about five hundred forty two days sooner. This is not about the subtleties of advertisements though. This is about integrity and the survival of the planet. I sent the razor back to the president of the corporation what manufactured the aforementioned apparatus. This is what I have done with my past however many razors o'er these many years. Only this time I enclosed a letter that I cc'd to one of the members of the board of directors so as to give my request some credence. The letter was a request that the company start practicing sustainability. Sustainability in the sense that they take complete responsibility for their disposable razors from the time they leave the earth until the time they return to it. Complete responsibility. That is, making a product that is biodegradable. A product that could be used, returned to said manufacturer, and either turned into another razor or turned back into earth material through composting. Did I tell them how to do this?



...cause I don't know how.

I was counting on them bringing in their head of research to come up with some ideas. The head of research is paid to do stuff like that. I did invite them in my brief missive to become pioneers in a new endeavor to stanch the flow and unmitigated waste of our valuable and limited natural resources here on spaceship Earth. Pioneers, mind you.

There is a limited number of companies that have taken this bold first step, but none with such a high profile as this corporation's. Sooner or later, we are all going to have to comply to an environmentally stringent new order of lifestyles, but someone has to take the initiative and get us going. Whoever does so will sure look good once the government catches on and starts to mandate such actions. Everyone knows that if the people lead, the government will follow. It's been about seven weeks now since I posted that letter and naught have I heard back. In the past, and without the impassioned plea, I would have at least gotten some valuable shaving product coupons for my invaluable inputs by now. Maybe they are going to discuss it at the next meeting of the board of directors, then get back to me. That would be nice. I love the concept that one day, I could use a disposable razor for months and months and be able to return it from whence it came to have it used over again and turn into arable dirt. The metal could be re-smelted into new blades. In this realistic fantasy, I envision no one losing their job either. Nay, more jobs would probably be created. In all fairness, I will now go check today's mail on the off chance that they have indeed responded to my suggestion. Be right back. Well, sadly to say, there's nothing there.. I won't give up however. besides the few have already done so, at some point some more progressively visionary corporations will take flight with this concept. This isn't only about disposable razors though. this is going to be about everything one day in our very near future. Did I mention that I just got my monthly phone bill cut from about $75.00 to $15.44(all taxes and fees included)? Not only that, but for good measure, my new company threw in free call waiting, caller id, enhanced voice mail, unlimited calling for my whole state, 200 minutes of long distance and only 3.9 cents a minute for any an all overages, call transfer, three-way calling , 7-digit dialing, distinctive rings, call forwarding, all the blocks and filters available, free unlimited use of such features as *69....and more. I switched to broadband...VoIP...real pioneering stuff. There are still some silver linings.

I wish you smooth shaves.

J. Jules Vitali is a sculptor, columnist, inadvertent moral philosopher and poet who resides in Freeport, Maine. He is the creator of the art form Styrogami which can be seen on the web at www.styrogami.com. He is also an Artist in Cellophane (www.artomat.org). He tries to have fun in life.