THE FLUB-A-DUB AWARD

The fine art of Flubbing

October. Man, we’ve had some beautiful weather. October is the time of year to prepare for winter. Putty up the cracks around the windows; close the pool; give the car one last coat of polish; dig out those winter clothes and hope they still fit. The squirrels are gathering nuts; the deer are getting ready to run in front of cars; the trees are strutting their stuff; and mankind continues to Flub. Thank God.

The nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court has resulted in a good deal of Flubbing behavior. Vice President Cheney was caught telling his right-wing buddies that Harriet would vote against abortion; the right-wing remains unconvinced that she is right-wing enough; cute little notes get published on Harriet’s correspondence with Dubya over the years; the Chief Justice of the Texas Supreme Court gives a TV testimonial on her behalf, stating he would trust his wife and his life with her, which may be some kind of revelation that the gay community might want to explore; and so far the Democrats haven’t said much of anything. This has been an enjoyably Flubbing fiasco.

The government giveaway in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Texas will be another colossal Flub. There will be 25,000 new millionaires walking away with our money before the whole thing is over. What makes me mad is that I won’t be one of them.

An honest and fair election in Iraq. That has to be one of the biggest Flubs ever perpetrated on humankind. “Forced democracy.” An oxymoron, with the emphasis on moron, if ever there was one. And who is watching over the election. U.S. Hell, we can’t even have a fair election in America, much less in a foreign country where we are unwanted. A Flub is a clear understatement for describing this obscene concept, “forced democracy.”

But alas, I have to give this month's Flub to the St. Louis Cardinals. They ruined a great world series. The I-55 showdown. (Actually, I-55 almost literally connects the two stadiums.) I’ve been a Cards fan all my life, having been raised not 25 miles from Busch Stadium. But I’m dumping them like a hot-potato. From now on, it’s the White Sox. Some will say that’s a pretty cheap move, going with a winner and all. But I’m not one to lean towards sentimentality or blind loyalty. I can identify Flubbers when I see them. Over the last two years, they’re two for two in the blowing it category. That’s a mighty fine Flubbing average.