THE-FLUB-A-DUB AWARD

In the air there’s the feeling of Flubbing.

Don’t you just love it. Thirty-eight inches of snow in Boston. Couldn’t happen to a nicer group of people. In New Hampshire, it snowed 51 inches in one place. I hope they have a ski slope there, otherwise they’re ass deep in snow for no good reason.

December is a good month to get the Flub. It’s heart warming. Speaking of heart warming. The Cincinnati cops appear pretty eager to beat the sense out of black people. The coroner declared that a recent beating of a black man by the police was a homicide, although he didn’t want anyone to misinterpret his findings to mean it was the fault of the cops who beat him. A video tape of the whole affair seemed pretty self-explanatory. They beat the life out of a guy sleeping in the parking lot of a White Castle. They should have beat the owner of the White Castle for selling such crap. They Flubbed and should be fired.

Patrick Quinn, Lt. Governor, came to town and thought our downtown was pretty neat. They must have held him captive in the Landmark and showed him pictures of Bloomington or Iowa City. There ain’t anything in half the buildings downtown, and the other half are green. Maybe he likes green. Maybe he’s blind. Maybe he was lost and thought he was in Oz. He’s definitely a puckered up politician whose polished lawyer ways makes him eligible for the Flub.

This whole Saddam Hussein show is worthy of the Flub. It wasn’t long ago this guy was the darling of U.S. foreign policy. I still haven’t heard of any connection he had to 9/11. I suppose that’s no longer relevant. While he was killing his own people, I believe our government was supportive. After all, he was killing radical Muslims. Apparently that’s all changed. With an election coming up, I’m afraid Saddam is out of luck.

And Bill Novelli, CEO of AARP, really Flubbed. He endorsed Bush’s beginning push to privatize Medicare. When things get privatized, we get screwed. It’s called capitalism. If he wants to work for Bush, he needs to get out of AARP. In fact, being a card carrying member, I think we should throw him out. I wrote Flubbed across my AARP card and sent it back to him.

But alas, I had to give December’s Flub to my right-winged Christian friends. Seems appropriate at Christmas. What a group! Liberal politicians cower under their self-righteous proclamation that white, Christian soldiers are God’s only chosen people. They think nasty liberals keep faking evolution. There’s a sensible line of thought. Don’t have an abortion, but it’s alright to fry humans who make a mistake. Makes sense. If we need to kill innocent people in order to promote America’s divine right to rule the world, well, so be it. Christ probably don’t mind. In fact, he probably owned a gun. If you’re a little different, you’re suspect, and rightly so. Damn foreigners. I’ve always wondered how these right-wingers come by such crazy thoughts? Is it genetic? Were their parents just badly misinformed? Or brain damaged? Who played this dirty little trick on them, making them think they are so superior?

I hope it wasn’t Santa, or I’m screwed this Christmas.