LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

It’s time for a change

— Bumper sticker of the week: Some people just don’t know how to drive. I call these people “anybody but me”

— Quotes of the week: “The family seems to have two predominant functions: To provide warmth and love in time of need and to drive each other insane.” Donald Smith

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” Robert Fulghum

— One needs to be careful in criticizing the cynic. Bitter irony, biting sarcasm, and mirthful ridicule have exposed a lot of follies over the years. Politicians, corporate chieftains, and assorted upper–crust citizens don’t much care for the cynic. In fact, not many people care for cynics, outside of maybe other cynics. Expressing “positive doubt” is a variation on the cynic. One has taken off the rose–colored glasses and is trying to make sense of what is left, without being overly obnoxious. The curmudgeon is another example of someone examining the motives of the powers that be in a way that is usually not very flattering. All are bent on upsetting the status quo.

— Ten ways to improve yourself and your situation in 2007:

1. Don’t use drugs. Don’t sell drugs. Both will take you down.

2. Don’t get married too young or have children too young. Life is too short to have to grow up so fast. Wait until you’re at least around 25.

3. Don’t accept as fact what people say about things, regardless of their presumed status or educational level. Think for yourself. Listen. If it doesn’t quite fit, if you have some doubt about the validity, go to the library or use the Internet and search out the facts. People nowadays are a good three-quarters bullshit. People like Rush Limbaugh make their lives spreading it.

4. On a daily basis, let your employer know that you are worth more than you’re being paid. And mention you could use health insurance and a retirement plan. Ask him or her if they have those things.

5. Don’t borrow money from loan shark title companies. You’re better off begging on the street.

6. If you have a slumlord taking advantage of you, tell him he’s an asshole. He can’t kick you out for being truthful.

7. Hold your head up high, look people in the eyes, and say hello. Don’t be afraid to let people know who you are and what you are about.

8. Never think that you have to accept violent behavior from anyone. Turn them in and walk away. You’re better off alone. You may think you need to put up with it, but you don’t.

9. Don’t use credit cards to make up for money you don’t have. If you pay off a card at the end of each month, that’s fine. You borrow the rich man’s money for a short period of time. Otherwise, he gets you caught in an interest trap that you can’t get out of very easily. This is the rich man’s scheme to keep you poor.

10. Never, ever, put down another person’s religion. How is it you are so sure yours is right and theirs so wrong?

— Books just begging to be written:

• The Sixties: I think I was there.

• One Hundred Ways to Make Anything Taste Like Chicken.

• Brick Streets: Paving a Road to the Past.

• Getting that Job: Writing a Resume in Spanish or Chinese.

• How to Dumb Down Yourself to Become President.

• One-hundred and twenty-five Ways to Use an Inflatable Doll.