LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

Makes me wonder

— Bumper sticker of the week: Thou shalt not kill — unless otherwise instructed.

— Quote of the week: “True patriotism is an act of love. If your country is about to run into the street without looking, there is absolutely nothing disloyal about crying, ‘Stop.’” Sam Smith, How to be a Patriot.

— Makes me wonder:

• Don’t you ever wonder about toilets? You fill them up with all kinds of nasty stuff, flush, and bingo, gone. Where does all that crap go?

• I sit in front of this computer and wonder, how did this thing get so smart? I don’t know anybody smart enough to make it this smart.

• I can’t come to terms with carpet cleaner. I prefer Resolve. You put it on a stain, and it disappears. I wonder where it goes? I’ve been thinking of putting some on my fingers and shaking hands with Bush. What do you think?

• I often wonder if we’ll make it as a species? Homo sapiens. Some days I think the universe would be better off if it just chewed us up and spit us out. Another billion years or so, maybe we would climb back out of the primordial ooze for a second time. Sort of a second chance.

• Cell phones. Makes me wonder what would happen if we had to use wires?

• I wonder why aliens only show up in remote places and only make themselves known to nut cases? Just once I’d like to see them show up at a town meeting.

• I wonder how you can win an election without getting the most votes? I wonder which Bush thought that up?

• If you think you got an exclusive arrangement with God, and that He or She favors your politics, or ideology, or your country, or military, or even our specific religion, I wonder whoever led you to believe such crap? There are a lot of different Stairways to Heaven.

— I’m sitting here in Florida contemplating retirement. The temperature is 82. It’s 16 back home. My decisions for this a.m.: Go to the beach, go to the dog track, golfing, or just sit around the pool. Retirement is tough. There are a lot of decisions to be made.

— The State of the Union: It sounded like the same old story. Bush is obsessed with Iraq. I could have saved him a lot of time and embarrassment. His speech could have been a whole lot shorter. The state of the union: Bad.

— I get a kick out of Republicans. They cry about how reliant we are on the government. They don’t want to help the poor. They don’t want price regulations. They don’t want universal health-care. Those things depend on the government. My question is, who exactly do you think the government is? I always figured it was us. When we ask the government for help, or when we ask it to underwrite, for instance, universal health-care, we are asking us to do that, for us. And it is us who need those things, now. I don’t buy the crap that we can’t afford it, or that the government shouldn’t be doing those things. That’s a diversion that rich Republicans love to use. Well, it’s time to confront them on their “that’s socialism” crap, or “the government shouldn’t be doing those things.” Stand up and tell them they’re wrong. Universal health-care is a whole lot more useful and necessary than universal war, or more tax cuts for the rich. It is time to take back what is rightfully ours.