LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

Oh happy days

-Bumper sticker of the week: Talk only if you can improve on the silence.

-Quote of the week: “The dying process begins the minute we are born, but it accelerates during a dinner party.” Carol Matthan

-I stopped down at the bar the other night on the way home from a frustrating meeting. More talk about redoing downtown. I needed a beer. Jesus came in and sat down beside me. I said hi. You can imagine my surprise. I said I would gladly buy him a drink. He said he wouldn’t mind a shot of whiskey, it had been a long day. I yelled to the bartender to get him a shot of her best whiskey. But Jesus said no, the cheapest one would be fine.

-A full moon rising: Take a look outside tonight. It’s the full snow moon. I wish I were looking at it from the beach in Ft. Myers, Florida. I would rename it: Full moon over the ocean. Sounds a lot warmer.

-Grocery Stores:

* No two grocery stores are arranged alike. Not even in the same company! There ought to be a law. I’m going to e-mail Blagojevich and see what he thinks. Somehow he’ll be able to figure out how to tax it.

* I like grocery stores that give you samples. Then you don’t have to buy anything.

* Most grocery stores have huge liquor departments. People must drink more than they eat. The liquor salesmen must be better than the bread salesmen. The problem comes when you try to check out. No one is ever old enough. The one’s old enough are in the back sleeping, cause they’re so old.

* Every grocery should have a good deli. A Jewish deli, since they are usually the best. With a lot of cheese. And the person in charge of the Jewish deli should be a Jewish mother, so she can tell you what you’re doing wrong with your life.

* Grocery store bakeries are usually not very good. Most things are brought in frozen and reheated. This is not baking. A baker should have years of experience and a stomach as big as Alaska.

* Everyone heads to the store when a snow storm is coming. Like it’s going to snow so much you won’t be able to get out for a week. I don’t get it, and think it’s pretty stupid, but I go anyway.

-Just when you think you’re starting to get everything figured out, they add another commandment.

-Go ahead, TIF us to death: Here comes more of the same. There’s a surprise. The only thing that a TIF district helps is an incompetent businessman or woman who can’t make a profit in a legitimate way. Outside of that, they’re a rip-off. They hurt the taxpayer and they hurt taxing bodies. Ask for any kind of written proof that TIF districts are effective and help the local economy. Ask if they, TIF districts, have helped any cities economy, anywhere in Illinois. What you will get, if anything, are generalities and platitudes about how wonderful TIF districts have been. What you won’t get are facts. TIF districts are a joke. Unfortunately, the jokes on us.

-Happiness:

* is a life well lived.

* is having what you need and giving the rest away.

* does not come from money or possessions.

* doesn’t reside at the bottom of a bottle or in the illusion of a drug high.

* has nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with the dance surrounding it.

* is wearing a hat that fits and socks that match.

* surrounds those who live within themselves.

* is having a lot of friends you can laugh with and cry with.

* Some days happiness is just waking up and smelling the hog factory.