LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

A job is not a job if you can't get by on the pay

– Bumper sticker of the week: A pacifist is someone with the nutty idea that killing people is a bad idea.

– Quote of the week: "Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for I have bought me a brand new 9mm. Thy rod and thy staff are no longer necessary." From "The Peever Turns Religious, A Baptism by Fire".

– My calling is to be a revolutionary. While I'm getting a little old for that kind of crap, I might still get a chance. Just go ahead and elect McCain. I'm going to Venezuela to take lessons. I'm guessing Chavez can teach an old dog new tricks.

– Bush said the war was to fight evil. So where did all the torture come from?

– President Bush is a weapon of mass destruction, although he clearly wouldn't qualify as a smart bomb.

– If you lost a loved one in the war, blame Bush, not the citizens of Iraq.

– Be weary of a president who says, "I feel good," while marching us off to war.

– Freedom isn't free, but it can't be bought with blood.

– War is the business of killing. It cannot be won. It can only be survived.

– War is a sign of failure, not strength.

– War makes us weak, not strong.

– How to measure the integrity of a person:

• Does the person keep their word? What is a person good for, if not for their word?

• Integrity involves being in the moment. When talking to the person, are they listening, or are they preoccupied with their own thoughts and agenda?

• Is there any false fronts being displayed? Like a low cut blouse with a push-up bra, or a sock or potato in the crotch area? These are sure signs of falsies. Integrity demands up-front honesty.

• Can the person look you in the eyes? Failure to do so is a clear sign that something is missing. Perhaps poor potty training, or lack of character.

• Is the person in question living a congruent life? Integrity demands living as honest a life as one possibly can. No spending $80,000 on hookers.

• If all else fails, keep a one month measurement of their nose. As the nose grows, so goes the diminishment of integrity.

– I hear the mayor is bragging about all the jobs we're getting. What with a Game Store, Pepperoni Pizza, a new shoe store, Wings, Menard's. Why crap, we got us a job boom. Now let's see: how many jobs, what's the average salary, what kind of benefits? Let's look at that list again. Average salary probably $7.50 per hour. Average hours, less than what qualifies for benefits. Average good it will do Galesburg: marginal. Still, jobs are jobs. Just because you can't make ends meet and get no health insurance is no cause for us to be bitching. At least we'll all be helping someone else get rich.