— Bumper sticker of the week: If you can’t find heaven here, dying won’t help.

— Quotes of the week: “People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.” Dave Barry

“There is no religion without love, and people may talk as much as they like about their religion, but if it does not teach them to be good and kind to man and beast, it is all a sham.” Anna Sewell

— Leaker-in-chief: President Bush not only knew about the leak of the identity of a former CIA agent, he encouraged it. All for political reasons and to discredit one of his critics on the invasion of Iraq. Now the talking heads are arguing whether or not that is legal. The whole thing is bull. He should be impeached for violating secret intelligence. That he can declassify information any time he wants, for any reason, is nonsense. If I were an undercover CIA agent, I’d hand him my resignation and tell him to kiss my butt. These guys would give you up faster than a 10 cent whore.

— Hurricane “Screw the American Taxpayer”: Let the screwing begin. Before Hurricane Katrina cleared Louisiana, the big boys started cashing in. Wait until you hear some of the stories. One of the best I’ve heard so far is a $350 million dollar no-bid contract to clean up debris. Where were they going to dump all this stuff? Well, they didn’t quite know, but they got the contract anyway. I sure hope that wasn’t my uncle at work again. I thought he was still in prison.

— President’s popularity drops below 35 percent. What I’d like to know is: Who are the idiot 35 percent?

— The Bush administration are making secret plans to nuke Iran’s nukes: There’s a novel approach. A good deterrent: If you guys insist on making nuclear weapons, we’re going to nuke you. Only in the Bush administration could you find such logic.

— I still say we’re losing all our jobs because of cheap labor: I don’t buy any other theories. If Americans would work for $25 a day, take no benefits and no health insurance, not another company would leave. In fact, they’d all come back. The whole thing is corporate greed, wrapped up in a slimy package called globalization. Eventually it will catch up with all these hot-shots, but it’s going to take a while. When the people of India, China, Russia, Mexico, decide they want a bigger slice of the pie, the shit is going to hit the fan. Until then, American industry is had. In a capitalist society, cheap labor will always prevail.

— Dear President Bush: A majority of people in this country dislike you and don’t trust you. A majority of people in the world dislike you and don’t trust you. Would you please go away. And take Cheney, Rumsfeld, Gonzalez, Rice, Rove, Thomas, Scalia, Roberts, and Alito with you. Take over some other planet.

— The sweet smell of spring:

• The flowers are blooming and the noses are running.

• I got a good whiff of the Baird hog farm on 74. Boy, that stuff is bad. Made me rethink my love for pork chops.

• In Hot Springs, Arkansas, our home to be in the future, I saw pollen on the sidewalks and driveway. I’ve never seen that before. Good for the allergies.

• I love getting out and getting the lawn ready for my wife to mow.

• Since we can no longer burn old flower stems and downed twigs, being the civilized people we are, I bag them. I usually end up with 15–20 bags. I’m guessing they eventually end up burning them.

• My garden is down to tomatoes, peppers, flowers and weeds. I specialize in chives. They’re very prolific.

• I like the spring. I particularly like listening to the farmers whine, after having spent the winter in Florida. I feel real bad for them.