LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

You got to have faith

– Bumper sticker of the week: You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come into contact with a new idea. Pearl Buck

– Quotes of the week: "Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian." Robert Orben

– Tomorrow is Day of Silence: Please by quiet.

– Our right-wing Supreme Court justices find killing people by lethal injection to be humane. That gives me an idea.

– When I depend on what I know, I never get very far.

– There is a world food crisis, thanks in part to ethanol. It was a bad idea whose time is rapidly ending. I hear it takes more energy to produce the energy ethanol gives us. That's not a good hypothesis to work from. Now I hear to produce enough ethanol to fill the gas tank of a sports utility vehicle, you have to use enough grain that you could feed one person for a year. Ends up we harvest more grain each year, but we use less to feed people. The World Bank estimates that one hundred million people will be pushed into deeper poverty because of higher prices and less food. On top of that, we are now using food as fuel. This is a global humanitarian crisis that we are being forced to participate in.

– Bush down and out: Bush's latest Gallop Poll rating is at 28%. His presidency has become obscure and irrelevant, not only in America, but around the world. He has made us the official laughing stock of the entire universe. What a pleasure it will be to see 1-20-09 roll around. Hallelujah!

– How to know if you were a hippie:

• If you were alive during the sixties, but can only vaguely remember it, you probably were a hippie.

• If your clothes never match, guess what?

• When the kids ask who some of those strange folks were showing up in your keepsake pictures, admit it.

• Marijuana is a herb, you're almost sure of it. Hippie.

• Sex, love, and rock & roll is not our national motto, but you're pretty sure it once was.

• You know the lyrics to every song from the 60's and 70's. Welcome to hippiedom.

• If you get scared taking a shower, or going to the barber, or want to snort like a pig when you see a cop, congratulations, you were once a hippie.

– Galesburg don't owe the railroad a thing. They owe us silence. Then we'll call it even.

– Acts of faith:

• Getting up in the morning in spite of it all.

• Thinking life will be better after you die.

• Buying a car.

• Driving a car.

• Voting.

• Giving birth.

• Going to the hospital.

• Going to church. (Don't take this serious. It could harm you).

• Looking in a mirror.

• It takes an act of faith to stand up and say "This ain't right" when everyone else is jumping on the bandwagon.

• To take that "leap of faith" requires courage and about half a brain.