LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

BushCheneyRumsfeldAshcroft, Inc. America’s hottest new company.

– Bumper sticker of the week: Sex is my religion...let us pray.

– Quote of the week: "A true war story is never moral. It does not instruct, nor encourage virtue, nor suggest models of proper human behavior, nor restrain men from doing things men have always done. If a war story seems moral, do not believe it. If at the end of a war story you feel uplifted, or if you feel that some small bit of rectitude has been salvaged from the larger waste, then you have been made the victim of a very old and terrible lie." Tim O’Brian

"If you want a symbolic gesture, don’t bum the flag; wash it." Norman Thomas

– In pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness, guaranteed under the U.S. Constitution, people first need food, housing, and healthcare.

– One of life’s greatest myths: That management and the government care about the worker. Throughout all of labor’s history, nothing gained has ever been given freely by management or the government. A fair wage, a minimum wage, benefits, the eight-hour workday, the 40 hour work week, child labor laws, workers compensation, safety laws, any slight worker improvements, none have been given freely. All have been struggled for. Workers have always had to organize and fight against the opposition of the government and management.

– The fine art of negotiating a buy:

• The person doing the selling needs to sell the product for a whole host of reasons. Seldom is it that you really need to purchase it.

• Never fall in love with what it is you’re buying.

• The first price you offer should be ridiculously low, just like theirs will be ridiculously high.

• The price of everything is negotiable.

• If the price is non-negotiable, walk away. Someone else has exactly the same thing.

• Look the person straight in the eyes and say, "Here’s the deal." Don’t hesitate, waiver, or

flinch.

• Never play the part of the underdog, unless you’re really good at it.

• When you’ve negotiated the price, which should never be the asking price, thank the person. Tell them they’re very skilled and you enjoyed sparring with them. You may need to deal with this person again in the future. Start the butter-up.

– Bush’s Supreme Court hands him yet another setback in his quest for world domination: Gee, not even BushRumsfeldCheneyAshcroft, Inc., can hold prisoners indefinitely without representation: What a bold step for the Supremes to take, although the rightist of the right-wingers, Scalia, Thomas and Rehnquist, sided with Bush. I’m not too certain these guys think anyone has rights, much less supposed terrorists. Anyway, I suppose we should be thankful for small miracles. This was a huge decision, and put a serious crimp in the Bush administration’s world domination strategy. It will take them at least two hours to figure out a way around this

decision.

– I don’t trust going into any church that displays an American flag. I think we need to keep the church and the flag as far away from one another as possible. Blending them together seems to create these scary little right-winged Christian pests. Call Orkin!

– I made it to see "Fahrenheit 9/11": Pretty good, but then, I’m pretty biased. I especially liked the part when Moore, the director, stood outside of the Capital in D.C. and asked five or six congressmen if they wouldn’t mind asking their children to enlist in the Army, since we have a shortage of soldiers. All of them were really disgusted, that someone would have the gall. The rich never partake in war. They only profit from it. From afar.

– It’s Kerry and Edwards. Do yourself a favor and vote for this team in November. The world needs a break.