LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

Mr. Sandman

-Bumper sticker of the week: Go fascinate someone else.

-Quotes of the week: “Don’t do nothing because you can’t do everything. Do something, anything.” Colleen Goudreay

“‘Tis not the dying for a faith that is so hard....tis the living up to it that is difficult.” William Thackeray

-Mr. Sandman, bring us some sand: I haven’t checked, but I can’t imagine that sand is terribly expensive. Lake Storey beach is mainly mud. It needs sand. The whole set-up is underutilized and poorly operated. The pavilion gets less use than my treadmill. There should be teen dances, receptions, and all kinds of miscellaneous carrying on’s. Not allowing parties to serve alcohol is puritanically stupid. The city gives out liquor licenses to every Tom, Dick, and Harry who comes along, than pretends to be puritanical at the city owned pavilion. Charge a hundred or two extra for having alcohol. Surely the water slide has been paid for. Let kids ride it for free. Or charge a buck for ten rides. Rent the pontoons for a dollar an hour. Put sand on the beach and have a program for kids. Beach volleyball, watermelon eating contests. Give the lifeguards something to do. On another sand front, Bunker Links needs some new sand in all the traps and about ten new traps. Most of the bunkers are mud puddles. Spend a little money. Our tax dollars are going up, but what we get in return becomes less and less. This doesn’t require a big outlay of cash, only some labor and common sense. Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream.

-Peever’s tidbits of information:

* I get all of my information from the naked dancing lama.

* Vegetarians, eat your heart out. We’re all made of meat.

* A little effort and fortitude are sometimes as good as praying.

* Never hire a surgeon named Bubba.

* When you’re down and out and can’t seem to be able to do anything, become a politician.

* The further down on the scale of humanity humans go, the more religious they become.

* Never bend over in front of a lawyer.

* The more money people have, the less civil they become.

-Signs you are developing a drinking problem:

* You can’t remember which sex you are.

* The toilet seat keeps hitting you in the head.

* You can’t tell the difference between standing up and laying on the floor.

* Your mail starts arriving at your favorite bar.

* Your favorite beer is any.

* You wake up in the morning and wonder who the person is laying next to you.

* All your friends are bar friends.

* You’re pretty sure the bartender is really intelligent.

* The worst part of your day is closing time.

* You drink before, before, anything.

-How to know you’re from Arkansas:

* You have more cars in your front yard than flower pots.

* Your trailer is your castle.

* You meet Mr. or Mrs. Right at your family reunion.

* You have brothers named Bubba or Junior.

* A six-pack and a fishing rod are more important to you than a job.

* You believe a gun is an intricate and vital part of life.

* You’re pretty sure the Civil War is not over yet.

* You stand up and salute when you hear the song, “Up Against The Wall, Redneck Mother.”