LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

Forgive us our sins

— Bumper sticker of the week: Doing my part to piss off the religious right.

— Ten deadly sins:

1. Don’t believe everything you think.

2. Cheap is not always the best price.

3. Pretty, or handsome, is only skin deep.

4. Killing someone is permanent, for both persons.

5. Never take anything for granted.

6. Taking drugs will not bring you happiness.

7. Selling drugs will always bring you sorrow.

8. Don’t charge full price for a half-ass job.

9. Never take more than you need.

10. Don’t go to church unless you intend on doing something about it.

— Wars: Seems there are more and more of them. We must all be nuts, to think that the world will be a better place to live if we kill one another in pursuit of freedom, justice, and happiness.

— Liberals: The more education one gets, the more likely they will become a liberal. That’s why they call it a liberal arts degree. You don’t get a conservative arts degree. The object is to educate yourself away from that.

— The seven days of creation:

Day One: Right-wing Christians had to be created right off the bat, so someone would believe this bull.

Day Two: Trees were created, otherwise, how was Weyerhaeuser going to make any money.

Day Three: Animals were created for the pleasure of NRA members to kill.

Day Four: On day four, water was created. Did you ever not take a bath for four days?

Day Five: “Family Guy” was created. There is some controversy about this. Seems some of the people think “The Simpsons” was first. I don’t think so.

Day Six: Sex had to be created somewhere along the line, or you wouldn’t be reading this. Since the human race has ended up being pretty dumb, I’m figuring God was not real crazy about the idea. He probably had to use a power-point presentation. “Lay on top of one another and make a wish. You may need to do this repeatedly, at least until you’re 50. Than forget it.”

Day Seven: No selling autos or beer on day seven. No one has ever quite figured this out, but I’m betting Moses got drunk and bought a clunker.

— A Ronald Reagan dime: A private mint made a Ronald Reagan dime, in honor of, I’m guessing, Ronald Reagan. It is a fitting tribute to Reaganomics. You can buy one for $10.

— The World Trade Organization talks collapsed. No one is buying the line of crap the U.S. is spreading. That’s a bummer.

— The ten defining topics for the upcoming election and what’s really behind the hype:

1. War: Short for, can the government convince you that killing people is in our best interest?

2. Immigration: Don’t jump to conclusions. We need cheap labor.

3. Economy-national debt: Freedom and democracy have a price. Are we willing to pay it, and pay it, and pay it…….

4. Government integrity and corruption: Where are you going to find anyone more honest and truthful than us?

5. Universal health-care: Don’t interfere with the profits. It’s a socialist idea. Health-care is not a right, it’s a privilege.

6. Individual rights vs. security and fear: So what if you lose all your individual rights. You’re alive, aren’t you?

7. Jobs: You want a job, work for less.

8. Gay bashing: Distractions.

9. Church and state issues: Playing to the right-wing Christian, in all of us.

10. Stem cell research: See number nine.