LEAVE IT TO PEEVER
-Bumper
sticker of the week: Remember who you want to be.
-Quote of
the week: “Even the smallest dog can lift its leg on the tallest
building.”
“The
corporations don’t have to lobby the government anymore. They are the
government.”
Jim
Hightower
-Top ten
things to do in Galesburg:
1. Go out to the Lake
Storey beach and build mud castles.
2. Go to sleep early.
3. Go out to the
industrial park and apply to become a corn plant.
4. Pretend you’re a
robot.
5. Repeat over and
over: The status quo is good and just and right. The status quo is........
6. While wasting your
life sitting at railroad crossings, keep a running tally of the number of
railroad cars that go by. When you get to a million, file a complaint. Of
course, you file it with the railroad, so don’t bother.
7. Sit on your porch
and count cars. If you’re not getting much action, come over to mine on
Seminary Street.
8. Try to guess who
is in charge in Galesburg.
9. Try thinking up
some ridiculous rules. Now run for city council.
10. Move.
-Things to
do if you’re bored:
1. Polish your belly
button piercing.
2. Play your 33 1/3rd
records backward and listen for secret messages.
3. Open a ski resort
in Kansas.
4. Memorize the state bird for all 50 states.
5. Write a book about
your previous life.
6. Pay off your bad
debt with a bad check.
7. Pretend you give a
shit.
8. Build a pyramid.
9. Count to a
billion, one number a second.
10. If all else fails, buy an
inflatable doll and see if you can find a minister to marry you.
-Solving
problems: Bunker Links solved the bunker problems, they covered them up with
dirt. Apparently the bunker in Bunker Links is out. And it never was much of a
links course, so I suppose we can call it Cheapskate Paradise.
-The ice
cream man is in trouble: Apparently the ice cream truck that drives around town
has been stealing precious business from the concession stand out at Lake
Storey. About all this city can come up with are ways to discourage people from
attempting to make a little money. I would improve the beach and shout the hell
up about the ice cream man. No doubt his is probably cheaper.