LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

It’s the day of The Peever.

— Bumper sticker of the week: Someone less dumb for President.

— Quotes of the week: “Interesting woman, this Harriet Miers. She used to be a Democrat, and then she found God and became a Republican. Which is kind of backwards, because usually in Washington you become a Republican, get indicted, go to jail, then you find God.” Jay Leno

“I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.” Will Rogers

— Ways to maintain your insanity:

• Keep talking to "them."

• Every so often yell at the top of your lungs, "Help me, Help me."

• When getting money at the ATM, look straight in the camera and say, “I won, I won.”

• When trying on clothes at the store, yell out from the dressing room, “Where’s the toilet paper?”

• Go to a psychiatrist and ask for an ego.

• Tell everyone The Peever is the smartest person you have ever met.

• When all else fails, tell them you are God and you ain’t very happy.

— Why old is better than young:

• All the fantasies should be over.

• Sex is no longer the main issue. Staying alive is.

• Old makes you eligible for universal health-care.

• You can say anything you want and blame it on old age.

• Old has a certain dignity about it, even if it doesn’t look quite as good.

• You’ve been around long enough to understand that anyone in a white, long-sleeved shirt and tie is either after your money or your soul. Or both.

• Old gives you certain privileges that the young are denied. Like a discount.

— What it means to be an American, by today’s standards:

• We are to follow the President blindly, wherever he leads us.

• You are not to question what the military does. That would be unpatriotic.

• Thou shalt not bow down to any graven images, short of the flag.

• God Bless America — to hell with everybody else.

• Buy, buy, buy. Consume, consume, consume. After all, you’re entitled. You’re an American.

• Individual freedom at the expense of the kingdom.

• Better to be a patriot than a poet.

• America, love it or leave it.

— Some days life just eats at you: The money lenders want paid, the boss wants more hours, the

kids need dinner, the car needs fixin', the old body aches, and I’ll be damned if the rent's not due.

They want all of what you got, but they can’t take who you are.

— The Supremes: Here we go already. It took about two days for Roberts to sprout his right-wings. He doesn’t think the states should have the right to allow people to ask to die when they are in terminal situations. After all, he believes the feds know best. And Harriet Miers. The right-wing doesn’t think she is right-wing enough. And the idiot Democrats fall right into line, defending her because the right-wing has questions about her. I can smell a Karl Rove here. Unfortunately, this is only the beginning. The fat lady is about to sing. The story is about over. It is the day of The Peever.

— Dubya and God: I’ve said all along this guy is nuttier than a fruit cake. God told him to invade Afghanistan and Iraq. And on a lighter note, the White House argues that torture is not all that bad, and should be allowed. All I can say is send for the straight-jacket. We got a wacko on our hands.