LEAVE IT TO PEEVER
Thank you
— Bumper sticker of
the week: Please tell your boobs to quit staring at my eyes.
— Quote of the week:
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." Jack
Nickolson
— I don't mind people
making mistakes. Hell, I've made a few over the years myself. What I don't like
are people who make mistakes and won't admit it, or try to gloss over it or
cover it up. I don't like people who can't live up to what they do. They don't
seem genuine to me. They want to be that infallible, perfect, human being. But
mistakes are part of the territory. I'm guessing God made one when we ended up
on top. I'm pretty sure he was hoping that would be a baboon or a gorilla. So
mistakes are a part of our nature. That lonely, miserable, dark, painful bit of
a reminder that God goofed and likely made us by mistake.
— Waiting on an
angel: What do angels do for a living? If they're out there doing good, why
aren't they kicking George W.'s ass? Why aren't they sitting on the shoulders
of those torturing prisoners of war telling them to cut that crap out? Or why
aren't they chasing away crack dealers in front of my grandma's house? I'm
waiting on an angel to let me know about God. Is He or She for real? What about
when I die? Am I going up, down, or sideways? Heaven? Hell? I can't wait for no
angel. I saw on TV I can calI1-900-ANSWERS. For only $4.98, I can get this
stuff figured out. Crap, wouldn't you know it. No answer. Must be out to lunch.
— How to cultivate a
spiritual life:
¥ Go to church irregularly.
¥ Spend more time doing
good. Get rid of the racial and gay jokes. Accept diversity. Give up the idea
that your way is the only way.
¥ Rather than collecting
possessions, collect friends.
¥ Don't believe everything
you hear, even if the messenger is wearing a collar, or robe, or designer suit.
Be particularly careful if they have a TV program. They may be after more than
your soul.
¥ If you're practicing
right-wing, Christian Republicanism, get out. You've been brainwashed. And I'm
using the term "brain" lightly.
We are each fashioned after
the divine. We each have a spark of the beginning in us. We should treat one
another accordingly. Thus sayeth The Peever.
— Things I'm thankful
for:
¥ That I'm not a
Republican. I'd have committed suicide by now.
¥ That I'm not a turkey.
¥ I finally graduated from
the kids table.
¥ I'm thankful turkey
breasts are getting bigger and bigger. And bigger. Those turkeys are going to
be stars at Big AI's pretty soon.
¥ This year we didn't have
to make a turkey or dressing. We bought them from the Pentagon for $20,000.
¥ That I don't play for the
Cubs.
¥ I'm thankful I live in a
country where anyone can grow up to be President, even if they shouldn't.
¥ Finally, I'm thankful
that you can say what you want in America. You don't have to worry about going
to trial. Now they put you straight in jail.
Happy Thanksgiving.