LEAVE IT TO PEEVER
Stay what course?
— Bumper sticker of
the week: Sorry for driving so close in front of you.
— Quotes of the week:
ÒWow, Brazil is big.Ó George W.
ÒYou work three jobs.
Uniquely American, isnÕt it? I mean, that is fantastic that youÕre doing that.Ó
George W., speaking to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska.
— I was recently
diagnosed as having hypergraphia, the irresistible urge to write. ArenÕt you
lucky?
— BushÕs Iraq
strategy: WeÕre going to kick your ass till I say otherwise.
— BushÕs immigration
strategy: Send us your tired and your poor. WeÕll work them to death. That will
end up helping both of us.
— We must be safer:
During BushÕs re-election campaign, there were seven orange alerts. Since than,
there have been none. Which of the following might best explain this:
1. Due to the President
attacking Iraq, the terrorists are afraid of us.
2. The terrorists cannot
outthink Bush.
3. We are safer due to the
establishment of the Department of Homeland Security and that brilliant terrorist
alert plan.
4. The alerts were part of
ÒThe Fear FactorÓ used to re-elect George W., masterminded by Karl Rove.
— Catholic Church
turns homophobic: The new Pope seems to be unusually nervous about gay priests.
He probably has showerophobia. Living in the Vatican around so many priests can
do that to a person who is worried about such stuff. He continues to confuse
homosexuality with pedophilia. a rather clever and easily conjured up
deception. I wonder if he feels the same about gay parishioners putting that
tainted gay money into the offering plate?
— Congressman from
California crying like a baby: One would hope Congressman Cunningham was crying
because he had done something wrong. But IÕm guessing he was crying because he
got caught. It wasnÕt but two months earlier that he was singing his innocence
about taking bribes for government contracts. I guess he just recently
remembered.
— Iraq having another
election: Gee, they must now have a ton of democracy over there in Iraq.
TheyÕre having an election every other week. Bush must not be getting the
results he wants. Anyway, the President this week asked us to stay the course.
My question is — What course?
— Secret Prisons:
TheyÕre everywhere.
— HereÕs a shopping
center: IÕm thinking of building a shopping center in Galesburg. Of course, so
is every other Tom, Dick, and Harry. But IÕm going to have a slight little edge
on them. Here are some of the prospects IÕm talking to:
1. Frederick's of
Hollywood.
2. Hooters
3. VictoriaÕs Secret
4. Big AlÕs
5. DickÕs Sporting Goods (DonÕt bother telling
me how cleaver I am.)
Sure, I can hear youÕre
footsteps running down to city hall already. ÒThis guy is nothing but a sleazybag,
All he wants to do is exploit females.Ó Well, let me assure you, I will
personally keep a close eye on everything. Some things more than others.